I've been asked to give a speech on leadership at a soccer club in the area.
So lets back up an break that down:
"I've been asked"
More like, told. In that "who would turn down this opportunity" tone of voice.... by someone I sadly have little respect for.
"To give a speech"
I hate talking in front of people. I get nervous and flustered and somehow that comes off as a more genuine tone and people end up liking the speech. But I still hate it. I never remember it when I am done and I spend the whole time feeling like I am standing beside myself, urging me to continue, urging me to stay in character. No one actually talks as their "selves" but actually as the "self" they wish to project at that moment in time. It is a speech that I will be giving, but its interactive-- gives other people a voice as part of the presentation. Its not only indicative of my leadership style, but it also lets me hide from my own voice.
You can talk AT people, talk TO people or talk WITH people. Consider the situation of the voice mail-- most people (on my voice mail, anyway) communicate a condensed version of what they need to say but then indicate that they would like to discuss it more in detail. My motivation is either piqued or doused by such messages-- will talking to them more provide any further insight or details that I care about? These messages are the "hook" to a future conversation. Much like the first few lines of newspaper article. A speech can either be a "Hook" followed by content washing over the crowd, a series of "hooks" strung together that just leaves the crowd wondering about what will eventually be said, or a speech can be a conversation. A conversation where at the end, the crowd is left to make their own judgements and decisions.
I wish I could say I was a powerful enough writer, speaker, to be able to pull off the last sort every time. But I think I've only done it once. And it was in a super-dramatic-Hollywood-ready speech during a huddle during a soccer game. That we lost, I might add.
"On leadership"
So you would think that I would be good at the whole "define leadership and promote others to step up and be leaders" thing by now. But I never know what to say. I have this speech I wrote as a senior in high school that I think accurately describes how I personally feel about leadership, but I wasn't allowed to give it. The speech was for the class below me's induction into IB and the teachers voted me the best person to give this speech. (I still disagree with that vote, but that has more to do with my understanding of my position socially at that school rather than ability) I wasn't allowed to give my first speech because it basically said "Either you have it or you don't, and no one can tell you if you do or not. Get up off your ass and figure it out"
Which, granted, is a harsh message to hear from someone only a few months older. So instead I gave my other speech...the "Everyone is a leader in their own right" speech where I casually listed off examples of types of leadership not normally respected or highlighted. It was "okay" at best.
Ive given other speeches at various conferences in my life. And I have always felt that I accurately discussed leadership from an Ivory Tower point of view. Not from a groundlings point of view. Which is strange, as I have never had an Ivory Tower leadership position in my life.
"at a Soccer Club in the area"
I am leaving them anonymous because the circumstances that led to the opportunity are sketchy at best and I don't feel like explaining myself. Not that you, my dear reader, don't deserve it, its just that I am still look at my cleats hanging from my window with a pang of regret.
Anyway, the speech can thus be catered towards soccer players, coaches and referees. Or it doesn't have to be. How likely is it that these kids, parents and active adults don't see that the lessons learned on the pitch apply to life?
In other words, I don't know what I am going to say.
I know how I lead. But I respect that I lead by a very specific style and that its not translatable in a lot of situations. I know there are other ways to lead. I am learning constantly about other ways to lead....its an on going process. Like healing.
Am I ready for this? Can I switch, completely, to the role of the coach, the motivational speaker?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
A Write You Own *Emotion* Post.....a Different Kind of Adventure.
I would just like to clarify that I am, at the moment, actually in quite a good mood. This post has been in the making for well over a month. (I have a few close friends and a boyfriend who don't believe me when--->)
I often tell people "I don't get mad" and I will stand by that. I don't. I feel several emotions many people would place under the category of "mad" but I believe there are actual synonyms and then words that stand across some imaginary line and are distinct.
Take out a sheet of paper. Im serious. Or a word document or even an email field for all I care. I am going to list a series of words. (This is beginning to sound like a psych experiment, but its not at heart. Though I am curious). Group them how you will. You could see each as an independent word, you may end up drawing a flow chart or some kind of spectrum...you could have lists of "bad connotation" or "good connotation"...you really could end up with lists or diagrams. I don't care, but I would love to see them when you are done (you can comment below using your gmail account or drop me an email at). Do whatever comes naturally. Visual Thesaurus has a really cool diagram if you are interested how our friends at ask.com would organize them.
Angry, Annoyed, Depressed, Frustrated, Disappointed, Irritated, Distraught, Enraged, Incensed, Infuriated, Irritated, Livid, Resentful, Unreasonable, Acerbic, Belligerent, Bitter, Caustic, Cranky, Indignant, Irascible, Irate, Peevish, Petulant, Sharp, Spiteful, Testy, Wrathful, Sarcastic, Acrimonious, Antagonistic, Exasperated, Indignant, Furious, Piqued, Violent, Displeased, Distempered.
(I left out synonyms I found for definitions such as "mad in love" or "mad as in actually crazy")
As to my organization? I have a spectrum, starting from more of "sad" connotations through "emotional, tired responses" through "traditional uses" to "extreme uses". See below, reorganized, each line being a "group" I consider on the same emotional plane.
Group 1: Annoyed, Depressed, Frustrated, Disappointed, Sarcastic, Displeased
Group 2: Unreasonable, Acerbic, Bitter, Cranky, Peevish, Testy, Sharp
Group 3: Resentful, Caustic, Irascible, Spiteful, Antagonistic
Group 4: Distraught, Irritated, Indignant, Petulant, Exasperated, Distempered,
Group 5:---Angry, Mad, Irate, Indignant, Piqued, Acrimonious
Group 6: Enraged, Incensed, Infuriated, Livid, Wrathful, Furious, Violent
Thus when I say "I don't get mad" I really mean I don't reach that emotional response. I stop somewhere along the way. But looking at these, I rarely in my life (I'll define that as less than 4 times a year) have hit my "group 4". Obviously, not everyone is going to agree with me on this. And again, I would love to see how others think about it. But! I felt the need to write out my use of the terms.
This entire entry started out by a different post in which I started with a line "I am annoyed about situation X". I thought about it and realized some people may take "annoyed" too far and others might not realize how committed I was in my "annoyance" and might think that I am just ranting to blow off steam and would then be fine afterward.
No, I was really really annoyed. To use more words, I was unreasonably annoyed, causing me to be bitter and cranky for the rest of the day, subjecting my friends to sharp comments. Ie, I was definitely in my "group 2" but I needed the connotation of a group 1 word.
This is obviously not full proof. And why I tend to be a fan of the "show, don't tell" sort of writing.
But why don't I, according to me anyway, hit a "group 5" type emotion? I honestly get sad more often than not. I stay in "group 1" even in the most extreme situations. I think there are two kinds of people in the world.
(okay, obviously there are a bunch of ways to divide people into groups, successfully or not, this is just one of many ways. And I truly believe there are only two groups. With a possible third for people with personality disorders and thus bounce back and forth)
1) The kind of people who, typically, get mad about things and look to place blame somewhere. They may eventually find themselves to blame but not after looking everywhere else.
2) The kind of people who, typically, get sad about things and automatically see their own fault in the situation. They may eventually find others may have fault as well, but not after assessing their own actions.
I am the epitome of a group 2 person. I will instantly get upset at myself before even thinking to get upset at you. I get there eventually, trust me, but it takes a while. Sometimes days or months and in one situation...years. I am going to put forth that explanation as to why I don't hit "group 5" types of emotions. And my logic may be faulty (please, fell free to point it out) or it may be that I haven't run into a bad enough situation to warrant a "group 5" response. (I am going to say I doubt it, though) And it may be more because I simply don't WANT to feel those emotions. They seem to take so much energy and cause bigger problems than the ones that stimulated the emotion in the first place. I'm not the best at self-control, generally, but in this case I simply just take a moment to calm down if I ever break past even a "group 2" emotion.
Count to Ten. Walk Away. Deep Breaths. Count to ten again. Go to a "Happy Place".
We have all heard the techniques from our parents and teachers. I guess I was just an impressionable youth.
Ha.
I often tell people "I don't get mad" and I will stand by that. I don't. I feel several emotions many people would place under the category of "mad" but I believe there are actual synonyms and then words that stand across some imaginary line and are distinct.
Take out a sheet of paper. Im serious. Or a word document or even an email field for all I care. I am going to list a series of words. (This is beginning to sound like a psych experiment, but its not at heart. Though I am curious). Group them how you will. You could see each as an independent word, you may end up drawing a flow chart or some kind of spectrum...you could have lists of "bad connotation" or "good connotation"...you really could end up with lists or diagrams. I don't care, but I would love to see them when you are done (you can comment below using your gmail account or drop me an email at). Do whatever comes naturally. Visual Thesaurus has a really cool diagram if you are interested how our friends at ask.com would organize them.
Angry, Annoyed, Depressed, Frustrated, Disappointed, Irritated, Distraught, Enraged, Incensed, Infuriated, Irritated, Livid, Resentful, Unreasonable, Acerbic, Belligerent, Bitter, Caustic, Cranky, Indignant, Irascible, Irate, Peevish, Petulant, Sharp, Spiteful, Testy, Wrathful, Sarcastic, Acrimonious, Antagonistic, Exasperated, Indignant, Furious, Piqued, Violent, Displeased, Distempered.
(I left out synonyms I found for definitions such as "mad in love" or "mad as in actually crazy")
As to my organization? I have a spectrum, starting from more of "sad" connotations through "emotional, tired responses" through "traditional uses" to "extreme uses". See below, reorganized, each line being a "group" I consider on the same emotional plane.
Group 1: Annoyed, Depressed, Frustrated, Disappointed, Sarcastic, Displeased
Group 2: Unreasonable, Acerbic, Bitter, Cranky, Peevish, Testy, Sharp
Group 3: Resentful, Caustic, Irascible, Spiteful, Antagonistic
Group 4: Distraught, Irritated, Indignant, Petulant, Exasperated, Distempered,
Group 5:---Angry, Mad, Irate, Indignant, Piqued, Acrimonious
Group 6: Enraged, Incensed, Infuriated, Livid, Wrathful, Furious, Violent
Thus when I say "I don't get mad" I really mean I don't reach that emotional response. I stop somewhere along the way. But looking at these, I rarely in my life (I'll define that as less than 4 times a year) have hit my "group 4". Obviously, not everyone is going to agree with me on this. And again, I would love to see how others think about it. But! I felt the need to write out my use of the terms.
This entire entry started out by a different post in which I started with a line "I am annoyed about situation X". I thought about it and realized some people may take "annoyed" too far and others might not realize how committed I was in my "annoyance" and might think that I am just ranting to blow off steam and would then be fine afterward.
No, I was really really annoyed. To use more words, I was unreasonably annoyed, causing me to be bitter and cranky for the rest of the day, subjecting my friends to sharp comments. Ie, I was definitely in my "group 2" but I needed the connotation of a group 1 word.
This is obviously not full proof. And why I tend to be a fan of the "show, don't tell" sort of writing.
But why don't I, according to me anyway, hit a "group 5" type emotion? I honestly get sad more often than not. I stay in "group 1" even in the most extreme situations. I think there are two kinds of people in the world.
(okay, obviously there are a bunch of ways to divide people into groups, successfully or not, this is just one of many ways. And I truly believe there are only two groups. With a possible third for people with personality disorders and thus bounce back and forth)
1) The kind of people who, typically, get mad about things and look to place blame somewhere. They may eventually find themselves to blame but not after looking everywhere else.
2) The kind of people who, typically, get sad about things and automatically see their own fault in the situation. They may eventually find others may have fault as well, but not after assessing their own actions.
I am the epitome of a group 2 person. I will instantly get upset at myself before even thinking to get upset at you. I get there eventually, trust me, but it takes a while. Sometimes days or months and in one situation...years. I am going to put forth that explanation as to why I don't hit "group 5" types of emotions. And my logic may be faulty (please, fell free to point it out) or it may be that I haven't run into a bad enough situation to warrant a "group 5" response. (I am going to say I doubt it, though) And it may be more because I simply don't WANT to feel those emotions. They seem to take so much energy and cause bigger problems than the ones that stimulated the emotion in the first place. I'm not the best at self-control, generally, but in this case I simply just take a moment to calm down if I ever break past even a "group 2" emotion.
Count to Ten. Walk Away. Deep Breaths. Count to ten again. Go to a "Happy Place".
We have all heard the techniques from our parents and teachers. I guess I was just an impressionable youth.
Ha.
Monday, July 5, 2010
With Confidence, Eventually
The Twilight movie that just came out actually had a moment of good writing. Writing far superior to anything I ever found in the books anyway.
It was during the graduation speech. And while I am afraid some slower witted people will take this idea too far, its interesting…basically, learning that “What you want to be when you grow up” should be answered only when ready and that part of life is figuring that out. Life doesn’t start with a job, life starts whenever you decide to let it.
When we were in Kindergarten they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up? Most people either said whatever their parents were or something like a Fireman or a Police man or some other profession they have been told to trust or run to at that young of an age. I know I said I wanted to be Firewoman.
They asked us again when we were in 6th grade. People started saying things they saw in movies or TV but they didn’t have any idea the steps it would take to get there. I said I wanted to be a vet.
They asked us again when we graduated high school…but this time they asked for real. Because we were about to head off to college and you don’t have a ton of time to waste in college. Or so they said. They said we need to start preparing for life. I said “I want to get a degree in chemistry, and do medical research” This lasted two years and if I were to continue in that track, I would set and ready. I just finished two years of strong-headed path pounding…
But really? These past two years should have been the time I made mistakes, learned from them, and really explored my options. Instead I one-tracked and now find myself at the dead end of that road.
So now, I am about to be a Junior and I really don’t have a lot of time to decide a major.
Luckily, my major doesn’t define my career. This silly piece of paper I am spending a fortune on doesn’t really mean anything. Its just a social definition that generally is paired with a pay raise. I really can do whatever I want at the juncture. Eventually I will be asked “What do I want to be when I grow up” and I want to be able to answer with confidence, not guess. Im still guessing today, but here is my thoughts at the moment.
If I were graduating this year I would be putting applications into Teach for America and grad school programs in Forensics, Seismology, and Physics. I would see if I got into things and make a decision from there. But if all goes well, I would choose TFA. I need the two years off. After TFA I would have try to re-enter the Masters (note, not PhD, turns out im not a big fan of that lifestyle) application pool. Getting a degree would be fun at that point and also provide me with skill sets to get into the type of jobs I want. I would then apply to agencies, NASA, NCIS, CDC etc for a position. I would work there as long as possible until I get bored (I have a short attention span in jobs) and then go back to teaching. I don’t think I would get bored with teaching because the students change and the subjects I would teach would rotate.
So that’s the big plan. Ive told this twice in the last few days. I keep getting "give the undergrads tours of the lab" duty and they always want to know if I like my lab. I do. I just don't like research.
Ask me again in a year. In a month maybe. Who knows how fast it will change again
It was during the graduation speech. And while I am afraid some slower witted people will take this idea too far, its interesting…basically, learning that “What you want to be when you grow up” should be answered only when ready and that part of life is figuring that out. Life doesn’t start with a job, life starts whenever you decide to let it.
When we were in Kindergarten they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up? Most people either said whatever their parents were or something like a Fireman or a Police man or some other profession they have been told to trust or run to at that young of an age. I know I said I wanted to be Firewoman.
They asked us again when we were in 6th grade. People started saying things they saw in movies or TV but they didn’t have any idea the steps it would take to get there. I said I wanted to be a vet.
They asked us again when we graduated high school…but this time they asked for real. Because we were about to head off to college and you don’t have a ton of time to waste in college. Or so they said. They said we need to start preparing for life. I said “I want to get a degree in chemistry, and do medical research” This lasted two years and if I were to continue in that track, I would set and ready. I just finished two years of strong-headed path pounding…
But really? These past two years should have been the time I made mistakes, learned from them, and really explored my options. Instead I one-tracked and now find myself at the dead end of that road.
So now, I am about to be a Junior and I really don’t have a lot of time to decide a major.
Luckily, my major doesn’t define my career. This silly piece of paper I am spending a fortune on doesn’t really mean anything. Its just a social definition that generally is paired with a pay raise. I really can do whatever I want at the juncture. Eventually I will be asked “What do I want to be when I grow up” and I want to be able to answer with confidence, not guess. Im still guessing today, but here is my thoughts at the moment.
If I were graduating this year I would be putting applications into Teach for America and grad school programs in Forensics, Seismology, and Physics. I would see if I got into things and make a decision from there. But if all goes well, I would choose TFA. I need the two years off. After TFA I would have try to re-enter the Masters (note, not PhD, turns out im not a big fan of that lifestyle) application pool. Getting a degree would be fun at that point and also provide me with skill sets to get into the type of jobs I want. I would then apply to agencies, NASA, NCIS, CDC etc for a position. I would work there as long as possible until I get bored (I have a short attention span in jobs) and then go back to teaching. I don’t think I would get bored with teaching because the students change and the subjects I would teach would rotate.
So that’s the big plan. Ive told this twice in the last few days. I keep getting "give the undergrads tours of the lab" duty and they always want to know if I like my lab. I do. I just don't like research.
Ask me again in a year. In a month maybe. Who knows how fast it will change again
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